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Tabloid News

by Harvey McLaughlin

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1.
Tabloid News 02:13
did you hear the one about JFK, how he's alive and doing well? or the miners in Ontario who drilled a hole into Hell? or how they found the Virgin Mary on the bathroom wall of a Shell? that's my favorite type of news is Tabloid News spontaneous combustion, alien autopsies all around or the Man in the Moon's memoirs have been lost and never found a funeral to the put the world's largest cat into the ground my favorite type of news, it's tabloid news you see them on the TV you see them all the time you pick one up in the grocery line and thumb it through you know you want to buy it cause it's too good to be true my favorite type of news is tabloid news did you hear they found the missing link in a Jersey trailer park? or the pornographic love signs been carved into Noah's Ark? Rapture's just one week away that's when they say it's gonna start you're gonna have to read next week's tabloid news that's my favorite type of news, it's tabloid news
2.
hot damn smelling good like something that a witch dragged in between her teeth look good decked out like a million in my three piece elk skin, so sweet north woods stepping through the forest with my arms hanging low like I'm singing in a chorus hot damn I'm headed out to Bigfootsville oh lord skunk apes got a line on some high fly quality cook good god we made it on the front of the papers baby, come and take a look oh lord they're trying to smoke us out, a bunch of lonely old men with too much time to hang about it now hot damn I'm headed out to Bigfootsville good lord abominable kisses getting blown, baby, coming my way hold on feeling like a million, I didn't quite know just what to say good lord strutting through the forest with my arms hanging low like I'm singing in a chorus hot damn I'm headed out to Bigfootsville
3.
and it's a cold wind blowing on a Gattlingburg Saturday night and it's a bullet for my baby to baptize him right between the eyes and when the wind starts to moan well you're gonna need another swig it's last call at the dixie pig I should be running for my life but I've been dragging my heels cause it's been a long time since I felt what a free man feels and when the wind gets in your bones well you're gonna need a place to dig it's last call at the dixie pig and the siamese twins beat the murder rap, baby, again cause the judge couldn't lock up the half that was an innocent man when the wind starts to moan well you're gonna need another swig and when the wind gets in your bones well you're gonna need a place to dig it's last call at the dixie pig
4.
I asked her for the silver she said no I asked her for the silver she said no I asked her the kind of things the kind of things that the good luck brings I asked her for the silver she said no I offered her a diamond, she said no I offered her a diamond, she said NO I offered her for the kind of charms the kind of charms keep me out of harm I offered her a diamond, she said no making love in the mummy's tomb I got a crystal ball just to seal my doom and I I can't make it right broken heart shattered into shards I got some loaded dice and tarot cards i want all my friends to make it hard "she'll love me for the rest of my life" I asked her for the silver, she said no I asked her for the silver she said, NO I'd sell my soul for the kind of gold the kind of gold that makes you lose control I offered her a diamond she said NO
5.
well the devil in the dance hall he's kissing and holding you so tight but you can't see his cloven hoofprint there in the moonlight you could have any kind of man in here but you're a sucker for goat hooves and a tail he's so well dressed but he'll leave you distressed darling, i know I remember when you left pentagram carved in your chest you don't understand these tainted red plans but darling though I love you you know that it's for sure this devil's got the fever and you know that I'm the cure I keep on walking back to this watering hole trying to buy back what's left of your soul but I can't afford it no, I can't afford it cause a burnt soul's worth no weight in gold you look distressed there in that dress darling I love you
6.
catgut suspenders and some cowbelly shoes old castor oil at the Too Good To Be True cactus and whiskey and some she crab stew taking a nap down by the creek it's getting harder to speak small calloused fingers work their way up her spine they run through her hair like they're untangling twine sister of Judas I'll absolve her in time an old torn top hat sits quietly there don't you know that it's impolite to stare make a shiv from the moon and take a stab with a spoon a rusty black raincoat not a moment too soon my baby's too good for the 515 bare knuckled boxing behind the Beyond Belief blank battered bible on her bathroom sink she'll empty your wallet with a smile and a wink there but for the grace of god go I feels like the finest alive she's frying up frogmeat on the hood of my Ford greasy blue moonshine and she gave me her word still ain't the strangest thing that I'd ever heard tennessee two step again didn't think that I'd call you my friend
7.
Volcano in the center of our silly little town people all come running come from miles and miles around to see the cinders and the smoke and to get a chance to choke on the Great Hihmoga hotel Fire of 1893 My ex wife and both our kids were my pride and joy til it all hit the skids now I'm in this hotel bar to drink myself half to death and to lose what little dignity that I've got left with a bottle full of burbon that I can barely see and to hide from all the troubles that come looking after me there's a pitchfork in the basement there's a viper at my feet for the Great Hihmoga Hotel Fire of 1893 8 floors up above us the ceiling's full of fumes from the freshly founded ember that had started to consume the presidential penthouse where Mr. Cleveland had just stayed when he was on his way to Baltimore and stopped in last May I was talking to a woman from a house of ill repute who was giving me the story of why she was so destitute so I was the last to notice the flames that'd broken free in the Great Hihmoga Hotel Fire of 1893 Did someone leave a cigarette burning? did a curtain catch a candle blowing? they never really had any way of knowing what exactly had set the whole town a-glowin We'll never know what's behind the mystery I never will forget the sounds from that hotel with all the screaming and crying, like a holiday in Hell no one knew just why 37 people died why half the city's upper class were roasted alive newspapers tried to ask me if I'd thanked my lucky stars to make it from the blaze without a scratch of harm My ex wife is still long gone and took my kids from me so who cares about the Great Hihmoga Hotel Fire of 1893
8.
it was way back in the eighties I could barely keep a job but I got a steady paycheck pumping gas out in the dark slow and boring work somewhere there off the interstate it was graveyard until sun-up had no trouble working late then one night unexpected pulled a long pink cadillac got a good look at the driver, nearly had a heart attack great big greasy sideburns and long deep Memphis laugh he had a pistol in his pocket and a peanut butter sandwich on his lap he slipped me crisp twenty and told me "fill her up", I took a slug of bourbon from a styro coffee cup "thank you very much", said and rode off in the dark I'll never forget the things I seen, when went and left his mark was it the devil in disguise? shooting out the TV's with a rusty .45 Do you recall suspicious minds? I wanna know
9.
Tunguska 02:59
well the son-in-law's got a monkey paw, he's telling tarot by the side of the road it's a fine funny feeling that the whole place here is fixing to explode smell gets in your clothes now the heat cooled down and the murderer found it was a lonely way back west it's a whole heapin helpin of the kinda shit they can't get off their chest different than the rest hot damn, sonofabitch now you've got me drinking wine and dreaming of a black tunguska sky hot damn, sonofabitch now that Tesla's fighting mad it's a long time coming but they don't know exactly what they had now the scientists all scratch their heads and they're giving me dirty looks they're searching all around this town for the kind of shit that can't be found in books different than it looks and the old man Edison he just ain't been quite right he scratch all around the grounds for the kind of shit that went wrong on that night all right
10.
November 1st 04:07
well the ghouls don't looks so ghastly when you're trying to block the sunshine from your face in this graveyard of a living room with moldy pumpkins beer cans scattered all about the place waking up on the hard wood floor Frankenstein's monster passed out by the door the empty flasks and plastic masks won't hide your head from the thought of her no more last night was quite the spectacle, such a spooky set of circumstance got us all flying so high and all the liquor and candy in the world won't keep me from from tumbling out this early autumn sky thinking about this time last year wondering why you ain't nowhere near thinking about all the fun you're getting into since you put those miles between there and here oh Novermber 1st I'm coming home in the morning with my head two sizes too big and I'm feeling two feet tall just like a voodoo curse oh November 1st I think I kissed the wolf man, or it must've been a power ranger or something weird like that and i think i'll go ballistic if I see another fake eyeball or decortive taxidermied black cat the cauldron punch did a number on me the madness of your memory won't ever set me free lost my wallet and my keys and most of all my dignity and the ghosts don't look so gorgeous with make-up cracked and smeared across their face prancing all around in next to nothing, just a little bit of arsenic and old lace that ain't no costume, ain't never been you were always much more creative than them thinking how it's been a long long time since I've called you my friend
11.
(instrumental)
12.
6 to 8 Weeks 01:46
shrunken heads and kung fu books brine shrimp having a blast 8 foot ghost to fool your friends every gag a little better than the last hypno coins and potato guns tired of sand getting kicked in your face? only a buck, baby, I think I'll press my luck oh, I always wanted a joy buzzer anyway send away for something great save my dough all week a postage stamp is all it takes to have tomorrow delivered straight to my feet C.O.D. or DOA the post man didn't come today so I'll wait patient anyway 6 to 8 weeks away
13.
twinkle twinkle little bat the road is rough and the world is flat I like you best in that pretty black dress your fins are showing your tails's a mess I put out the fire you begun you ripped out my silver tongue as I begun to sing your praise putting out the Hell you raised mushroom cloud has blinded my mind's eye I hope I get to see you one more time before I die fade away fade away fiji mermaid fade away there's a sucker born every minute born every moment of your life etched in in all the promises we make with a rusty butter knife I'll give back the prize I won the rides here ain't no fun right back where we begun beneath the glow of some california sun you're medusa's eyes with out the stone the missed call on the telephone your nails are prettiest when they're chipped a curiousity with fashion show hips the center's sewn the cards are marked you lured me in with your carnival barker's bark if you want me now just let me know I'll love you til I have a tag on my toe

about

Harvey McLaughlin might just be the most elderly thirty-year old you’ll ever be lucky enough to meet. Hailing from San Antonio’s hard-scrabble deep southwestern quarter, the son of a seamstress and an auto mechanic, McLaughlin has spent about half of his life learning the ropes in a number of local bands; the eponymous Lord Harvey - a trio that might be compared to The Squeeze getting tangled up with Spacemen Three, The Sandworms - an incredibly loud gothic surf band, The Hares - a rootsed-up septet who shared the inspirations and captured the fire of The Blasters debut album and took it up a notch, and, the list goes on. For anyone who’s watched this progression take place, one listen to his new album ‘Tabloid News’ will show that this wasn’t squandered effort but a necessary part of the journey as it is all folded into a disciplined package.

‘Tabloid News’ is loosely conceptual, drawing on Harvey’s fixation and preoccupation with urban legends, science fiction and pseudo-science. But, rather than just throwing out a laundry list of uninspired phenomena name-checking he manages to create developed characterization and perspective inside the boundaries of two to four minute songs, no small feat.

Driving around the area near his home one can get a sense of how his young imagination was fueled. At the nexus of Lackland Air Force Base and the one-time Kelly Air Force Base, the semi-industrial blue collar neighborhoods are dotted with buildings and areas that appear largely untouched since the 1950’s. Colorful, down on their luck folks walk and stumble down the broad avenues drunkenly mumbling in local Spanish slang while young women pram push past with other small children in tow, oblivious. Meanwhile, military jets scream in formation overhead and behemoth C130’s slowly descend to over-sized runways. Oppressive technology at odds with ground-level reminders of the last century. Indeed, the entire city of San Antonio is ripe with ghost stories and urban lore: The Conquistador of Mission Espada, The Donkey Lady (not to be confused with the all-too real bordello fixture south of the border), Midget Mansion, The Ghost Tracks and, the tale from which McLaughlin drew the inspiration for his tune ‘The Devil in the Dancehall’.

The album has taken some time to come to fruition. Originally slated as an untitled project for McLaughlin’s one-time guitar band The Bottom-Feeders, Saustex label owner and ‘Tabloid News’ producer Jeff Smith cooled on the idea as he watched one band member miss an important show. Over the course of several months Smith came to the conclusion that McLaughlin’s musical and songwriting talents were being wasted amidst the volume and chaos of the garage band format and that Harvey should make a piano-based solo album. Initially reticent, McLaughlin gradually warmed to and then came to embrace the concept as he set about re-arranging old pieces, finishing new ones and and tightening up his chops on the ivories.

While on the surface the seven hundred-plus day trip to get to the finish line might seem too epic to realize the release for a small indie label, the verdict lays in the grooves and that verdict is “worth it”. McLaughlin has succeeded at reinventing himself - capturing the bawdy snark of Warren Zevon, the goofy, strange and sad humor of Randy Newman while glimpsing the pathos filled characterizations of Tom Waits and even the cheesy 70’s pop sensibility of Elton John at his height. All of this while not forsaking his 50’s rock’n’roll heroes Big Joe Turner and Jerry Lee Lewis. His intellect and patience with the process is to be commended. While he may be an old man trapped in a young man’s body, there’s good news for all of us: You can teach an old dog new tricks.

credits

released February 16, 2018

credits:
Harvey McLaughlin - vocals/piano/guitars
Juancho Luna - bass
Kyle Delvecchio - drums

Hampton Rattan - baritone sax/clarinet
Julien Escobedo III - trombone
Laith Fisk - trumpet
Will Owen-Gage - guitar solos on "Bigfootsville" & "The Devil in the Dancehall"
The "Caligulettes" / Danica Tello, Andrea Satillan Wood, Alexus Lozano - backing vocals
Tommy Munter - additional percussion
Darian Thomas - horn arrangements

Produced by Jeff Smith
Recorded by Cris Burns @ Ameripolitan Studios, Austin TX
Additional recording by Tommy Munter @ Matador Studios, San Antonio TX
Mastering by Kurt Wipfli.
Vinyl Mastering by Stan Getz.


Art & Design by Regina Morales
Photography - Oscar Moreno

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Harvey McLaughlin San Antonio, Texas

Harvey McLaughlin is an old man trapped in a young man's body. Jerry Lee Lewis, Fats Domino, Little Richard, Tom Waits, Warren Zevon, Randy Newman and that dude with the crazy hair from 'Ancient Aliens' and a comic book geek all rolled into one defiantly contemporary package. ... more

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